I need two things to consider someone to be my friend: trust and reciprocity. I don’t keep score, but if the trust gets eroded enough, then there’s no foundation for the relationship.

As for the reciprocity, it’s like having a joint bank account, and we’re both rich so we don’t pay too much attention to the balance.

But if I’m the only one putting in, eventually the cash runs out.

I don’t get particularly angry, more sort of tired and disappointed. I’ve made so many excuses why you’re behind on your share, but really you’re just selfish and don’t care about me. At least, not enough.

And that’s OK, that’s your prerogative.

But not everybody gets to be my friend.

I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be valued. I deserve to be respected.

You don’t have to do those things; you just don’t get to be my friend.

I am a good friend: I talk too much, but I’m kind and funny and affectionate and try hard to meet your needs.

My fuse is really long and I’ll try for a long time to be patient and understanding, but I am entitled to your prioritised attention and timely responses to messages. Never mind it being standard behaviour among close friends, it’s basic f*cking manners.

If I cut you off, it has less to do with my unreasonable expectations and more to do with you failing to meet even the most basic definitions of friendship towards me. You never give. You only take. You make me feel like crap about myself, and I am exhausted. Even the pain of never seeing you again is preferable to being around you.

But I’m OK.

I’m lucky to have many friends I’d consider close. People who freely share their time, attention and emotions with me, just as I do for them. We regard each other with mutual admiration, bolster each other and share the load. We laugh and cry together, enthuse and complain together, and contribute to each other’s growth.

That’s normal.

So, no, I won’t be lowering my expectations of what I expect from my friends.

If recent experiences have taught me anything, it’s just that I need to be more assertive about ensuring that those expectations are understood and met, and saying a fond farewell to people who decide not to meet them.