US culture is strange: male/female gender divergence is heightened: the men face extreme pressure to be aggressively dominant; the women are raised to speak with little squeaky voices, and both seem absolutely terrified of each other. It's just weird.
When I was young and heartbroken, I bought an American book called The Rules, and it showed women how to change themselves to be more appealing to men. Within days, I was surrounded by admirers; within a year, I was engaged to my now-husband.
The advice given to men, from what I've seen, don't teach them to be better companions to women. In a world where most women would marry Jack Black and nobody fancies Andrew Tate, the latter is revered, and they wonder why women don't want them.
Women commonly date and marry autistic guys - look at half the guys in your IT department at work! The most strident feminist I knew, in her thirties, married a much older man and immediately had babies with him, because he was a good companion.
In fact, I'll give you The Rules, as far as I can remember them from nearly 30 years ago - they'll work for you, too.
1. Embrace your differences - you're not like the others, and that's a good thing. Practice self-affirmation. Enjoy your positive qualities and others will enjoy them, too
2. Be light and easy to be with. Put on a smile, don't criticise or complain too much, and give kind words to others. Express behaviours that make others want to spend time around you (there's a whole YouTube channel called Charisma on Command to teach you that)
3. Get up off the sofa, take a bath, brush your hair and teeth, dress in your nicest clothes and go where other people are. You are not going to meet the love of your life sitting in your living room - enrol in an evening class, take up painting, learn drama. Get out there
4. When you're talking to someone, really listen. Stop worrying about whether they like you and consider whether you really like them - you'll find the kind, good people become more beautiful to you, and cruel people become ugly
5. Maintain hobbies - don't sit around waiting for the phone to ring, but have your own active life. It will give you more to talk about
6. Don't be someone's afterthought - have the self respect to expect to be your date's priority, not their middle of the night booty call. Don't 'play hard to get' as a manipulation tactic, just don't be so desperate that you fail to set appropriate boundaries
7. Leave them wanting more - don't overshare, don't totally dominate the conversation, and end the date after a couple of hours (and set another) so they look forward to the next one.
Definitely get some therapy to work on your self-esteem, and consider coaching in how to flirt. You clearly want to date, and there's absolutely nothing stopping you except yourself.
